So, I’m back, at nearly midnight the night before my first exam at university. What an amazing idea!
But seriously, what I actually want to say is this: I don’t want to change the world. It’s something I’ve only just realised in those words, but kind of felt for a while now. It’s just, you’re meant to want to change the world. That’s what being young is all about. Being passionate and determined for a while until you fail and get old and… stop caring?
The thing is though, I never have cared enough to want to change the world. And it sounds really bad to say that, and, honestly it’s something I worry about, but if you only want to change the world when you’re young, I might miss my chance.
Okay so the thing is this: I’m studying linguistics, and one of the most frequent questions you’ll be asked if you start studying linguistics is: “So what can you do with that?” and I honestly am not too sure myself what I’ll be able to do with it, but I chose to do it because it was the thing that interested me most. And I do wonder what I’ll end up doing with my life.
Everybody always says you should have a (vague) plan, a goal of what you want to achieve and anyone who has ever googled “What should I do with my life” knows that the advice given most often is: “Do what your passionate about”. Which is really useless to me, seeing as I seem to be a passionless robot. So the next logical step is to google “How to find your passions” and again there are tons and tons of posts and articles about leading passionate lives and finding your passions, but it doesn’t seem to work on me. Am I the only one who doesn’t know what she’s passionate about? Am I the only one who doesn’t have any passions? When I’ve talked to other people about this, they say that you have to listen to yourself talking, when you get excited talking, that’s what you’re passionate about. But I don’t think you can get a job watching youtube videos. If you can please let me know, I need that job!
Anyway I guess I’m just worried I’ll end up never having done anything I really enjoyed in my life. And don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying University I really am, I just done know if it’s what I want to do with the rest of my life. And that’s kind of rubbish to be thinking after half a semester. The thing is, I can get myself interested in pretty much anything. I really do love to learn new things, I love knowledge. But I feel like I have a super short attention span, like I can only learn something for a few years before I need something new, and i’m really worried that will happen with my university course. I also fear that I don’t have a very wide skillset, I think my only strengths lie in academic fields, which is fine while I’m at uni, but I really don’t want to stay in university my whole life!
Okay so I’m going to leave it at that, because, like I said, it’s midnight and I’m tired (probably the reason this post is so mopey), but if anyone is going to read this, thank you, and I hope you’re having better luck leading a passionate life than me 😉